It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
