She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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