Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
