R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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