thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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