I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
