My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
