Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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