Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
