bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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