His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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