What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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