I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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