my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
