Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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