Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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