You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
