I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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