Cold hands, warm shart.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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