did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
