I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
