they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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