So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Farmville is her only friend.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
