Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
