i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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