do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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