You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize