What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
