i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
