I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
