1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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