I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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