are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
