Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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