I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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