She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
