Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
