If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You made out with two different species that night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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