Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
where am i from again
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
