Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
