I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
