Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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