he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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