When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
