Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
