I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
