I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
