Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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