He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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