New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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