I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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