Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
