I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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