I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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