I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
