After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
