I could make wine with my vomit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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