Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
