Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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