Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
