I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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