WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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