every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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