i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
