We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
