I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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