he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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