i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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