just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
