I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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