You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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