My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
