I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left an ass print on the piano.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
